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Curr: Richie Whitt

First off, I love when people use there jobs and connections in media to spew idealistic and idiotic propaganda from their ass faster then an outbreak of explosive diarrhea after a burrito eating contest in the barrio. Now you’re probably wondering who the fuck Richie Whitt is (despite the fact that until now, nobody on this planet would give the slightest fuck about some guy named Richie Whitt). He’s an asshole who writes shit like this:


for the Dallas Observer. Now if you’re thinking to yourself “Curr I hate NASCAR too, why should I care?” Because Mr. Whitt just wrote an ignoramus article full of stereotypes and fallacies. He also pissed me off... and you don’t piss Curr off. I believe Mr. Whitt is a fascist-commie-nazi (I didn’t know such a thing existed) who hates everybody who thinks differently than himself, and wants to impinge his own beliefs upon all the other free thinkers out there. Don’t look directly at him or he might take other forms:


Now I love NASCAR. Is it because I’m a mullet-wearing beer-drinking tooth-missing welfare-receiving white-trash redneck? No, and because I’m not Mr. Whitt would probably tell me I’m not allowed to watch it. Well to spite him (I love spiting people) I’m going to watch as much of it I can (which won’t change my lifestyle, but now I have a reason). I just love racing, I like seeing cars go around at close to 200 mph, inches apart running two and three wide and when someone fucks up, BAM! He pays for it more then some dumbass millionaire druggy who throws an interception. I don’t just watch NASCAR, I watch some Indy car, Sports car, and sprint car racing. I’ve watched every new race of the new A1 Grand Prix, and if the American Scott Speed moves up to Formula One in 2006, I’ll be sure to catch all the races to see how he does. But NASCAR is my favorite. Why? Awesome action, awesome cars, and awesome drivers. It’s the best in terms of excitement and drama. Mr. Whitt seems to make a big deal over the fact that NASCAR isn’t a sport and the drivers aren’t athletes. I’ve debated many a times this subject, so I’m going to let Ernest Hemmingway enlighten us today. He once said: “There are only three sports: Bullriding, Motor Sports, and Mountaineering. All the rest are merely games.” The only thing that makes a sport a sport is our definition of it. A race car driver would probably suck at playing football, baseball, or basketball; just like a foot-, base-, or basket-ball player would suck at racing. Mr. Whitt also complains “it’s the cars--not the drivers--that decide NASCAR races,” You’d wonder why Richie Whitt isn’t the messiah when he prophesies a revelation like that. NO SHIT IT’S THE CARS! What are they racing? It’s certainly not horses or chickens that win the race. You need a good driver and a good car. If the driver sucks, he’ll wreck, and if the car sucks, the driver won’t be competitive. You need both you dumb shit.


Now to Mr. Whitt’s biggest complaint, that NASCAR fans, in the infields of races in Florida and Texas are full of “mud, mullets and mayhem ” consisting of “Hee-Haw extras, raised on grits and go-karts and the belief that the General Lee ranks well ahead of the Surgeon General” in the “Greatest Sideshow on Earth.” Not much I can say to that except, that’s why I DON’T GO INTO THE INFIELD OF A NASCAR RACE. That’s NASCAR’s way of keeping the inbreds from the normals sitting in the stands outside of the track. I guess Mr. Whitt wants more class in NASCAR fans. Maybe something like this would be appropriate:


I wouldn’t be that mad at some random idiot saying things that are true, criticizing NASCAR and its fans. But there’s one problem with Richie Whitt’s argument... he went to a NASCAR race in Florida and Texas and saw all this. Both states are part of the south. The dirty smelly God-has-to-try-to-cleanse-it-with-hurricanes south. Also known as the asshole of America. Mr. Whitt you also live in Texas, with the land peninsula that is undoubtedly the wang of America. Putting Dallas, and Houston around the scrotum of America. And you Mr. Whitt must be one of the many crabs upon the gentilia of America:


Mr. Whitt, I’d say you were above the inbred white trash NASCAR fans, but after all you do live in Texas, and probably in denial or just coming to terms with your problem.